update...

I live my life one day at a time. Because I can't afford to always plan my days/weeks ahead without something or someone getting in the way. And that's rather frustrating for someone who likes to control the time like I do.

You see I'm always about, driving around, doing errands. Some days are busy, other days seem empty. Sometimes I wake up feeling so unproductive and useless. Some mornings I tend to drag myself from bed and start the day really early, otherwise I won't be able to finish what I have to do.

This erratic schedule seemed perfect since I am my own boss when it comes to my time. But sometimes I wish I had a more regular schedule. I miss the routine, really. I know I gave up that kind of life a couple of years back. I dunno if I wanna return to that kind of life.

That's exactly MY problem. I can't seem to decide what I want. And what I need to reach my true self. Because I change my mind every so often I get irritated with my self. And also because for years I've been molded to become someone I am not, or so I think. I've been told what to do and not do. Sure, there are things I would like to try doing. And again, I am told what I can and cannot do. They must know me more. And most of the time, their decisions for me turn out to be right or the better alternative. What's frightening though is that I have become comfortable with the idea that there will always be someone to decide for me or someone to catch me when I make a mistake. Scary, because I am slowly turning into a wimp.

Oh no. This is not an update but a mere showcase of an insecurity attack. So I'll stop now.

There are so many updates in my mind right now...like the Fiesta Palaro yesterday and the Lakan at Lakambini Night last night and the Fertility Dance this morning. But I'm not in the mood to scrutinize right now. My head is still spinning from trying to understand last night's contestants' booboos and whatsits. Maybe later.

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Oh! A very Happy Birthday to my utol, Jeff of SNL. I miss your company! Bless you! (as if nababasa niya ito...)